There is a thought, that when we leave the church, we then become "lost souls". And I can understand how this image appears in their minds.
However, I am quite certain there are also found souls.
Souls who have found themselves by eliminating the middleman. By stepping out in the world, beyond religion.
It is scary, and very freeing, at the same time.
The hardest part is that we are often seen as detached and perhaps 'unsaved' or, a foreigner in their land.
We become the 'other'.
Whereas prior we were one of them. Often categorized as "the right church" or the "True" religion, part of God's church and his saved children, etc.
It is like you are going from the popular group, to the unpopular group; from the chosen to the unchosen.
We have chosen now to be 'unsaved' or, willing to be in hell and not heaven.
I truly do not feel lost at all.
Or, unsaved.
Or, that I am heading to hell when I die.
It is weird to be out on your own in the world unaffiliated.
To live life as a free agent.
I am sure it is as strange to see us without a religion, as it is for some of us, to see them with one.
There are two different schools of thought, and we are no longer matching.
Some, who have never tried living life without a religion, find it very hard and even unimaginable to be living without one.
It was a foreign concept to me too.
As I said, it is a very scary process to leave the religion of your childhood. Or, to leave the path that feels secure and so inclusive by God and others.
To have none of the old reassurances about life and death.
To dare and step off the path, into the land of the unknown.
Into the same land that is preached against.
We are walking among what many would now call "Unbelievers".
Or, lost souls.
And, to be sure, I did feel lost at the beginning. Until I realized that God didn't live in the church. And, I wasn't only valuable with a the religion franchise.
Perhaps it was when I discovered I didn't leave God behind, it became less scary.
I can understand the sentiment, that I would be lost without religion. For it does appear to be the truth, when you feel so identified with the religion.
It was a huge identifier of who I was, until it wasn't.
I would even say, in my case, it stole my identity.
It was more me, than Me.
My individual thoughts and desires were drowned out by the religion's preferences.
I found me underneath the layers of beliefs.
And, I also found, that my life didn't run amuck, when I no longer believed in the faith.
I wasn't walking hand and hand with the devil.
I didn't become evil, etc.
I actually became more thoughtful and present.
I am eager to see how others see the world and even death.
I am open to learning new ways of spirituality.
I am less judgmental and more inquisitive about other ways of life.
And, just plain curious to the human journey and how we are nurtured into different faiths and how they have impacts on how we live and see others.
I am learning how often religion is given, or forced upon us as children and spirituality something we can discover on our own.
Spirituality isn't franchised either.
Religion is often fear based. Fear of what will happen if you leave or when you die etc.
Spirituality feels more about the present and true self.
It is true I have lost the connection I felt within the church.
I have lost the respect.
I have lost the faith in their message.
I have lost the trust in their actions.
I have lost the belief in their way.
But, I did not lose my soul when leaving there.
I feel that I have found it.
I did not realize the weight and burden of the religion until I set it down
The sheer load of unworthiness or the identifier of 'sinner' dragged me down.
Outside of this belief I found my self worth.
In fact, oddly the sentiments of the religion about Self, mirrored or echoed the feelings of abuse.
Perhaps because I discovered my abuse the same time I left the church, I could see the connection being equal.
Regardless, I within myself, felt my soul's worth outside of the religion.
The correlation between the dysfunctional family and how I needed to be and how I was viewed when I challenged its beliefs, equaled that of the religious community.
The two most powerful sources that created my self worth, were both equally dysfunctional.
So, when I hear that I am a lost soul or perceived as one, I would have to say, my soul was lost both in my family and religion.
However, once I stepped into my own power and began to see and challenge things, I found it.
It stood with me as I walked into the dark.
I was never alone upon leaving.
Perhaps even, I had to leave both places because they were hurting my soul.
I didn't lose my soul for leaving, but rather was led by my soul.
We walked together into the unknown.
Knowing that what we were leaving no longer, if ever, was healthy for my spirit.
I left to save my soul, not to lose it.
