I loved the Author in this podcast so much, I ordered her book.
Dr.Edith Eger wrote her book at 90 years old. I love that too.
Below is the link to the podcast.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-edith-eva-eger-the-choice/id1264843400?i=1000442517079
She affirms what I have known.
In the podcasts she speaks of missing what she didn't have. I so get that.
It isn't the pain of what happened, but the loss of what did not.
The loss of knowing the feelings of love and security.
Of mattering enough.
Here is from her book "The Choice"
"My own search for freedom and my years of experience as a licensed clinical psychologist have taught me that suffering is universal. But victimhood is optional. There is a difference between victimization and victimhood. We are all likely to be victimized in some way in the course of our lives. As some point we will suffer some kind of affliction or calamity or abuse, caused by circumstances or people or institutions over which we have little or no control. This is life. And this is victimization. It comes from the outside. It's the neighborhood bully, the boss who rages, the spouse who hits, the lover who cheats, the discriminatory law, the accident that lands you in the hospital."
"In contrast, victimhood comes from the inside. No one can make you a victim but you. We become victims not because of what happens to us, but when we choose to hold on to our victimization. We develop a victim's mind - a way of thinking and being that is rigid, blaming, pessimistic, stuck in the past, unforgiving, punitive, and without healthy limits or boundaries. We become our own jailers when we choose the confines of the victim's mind."
"I want to make on thing very clear. When I talk about victims and survivors, I am not blaming victims - so many of whom never had a chance. I could never blame those who were sent right to the gas chambers or who died in their cot, or even those who ran into the electric barbed wire fence. I grieve for all people everywhere who are sentenced to violence and destruction. I live to give others to a position of empowerment in the face of all of life's hardships."
"I also want to say that there is no hierarchy of suffering. There's nothing that makes my pain worse or better than yours, no graph on which we can plot the relative importance of one sorrow versus another. People say to me, "Things in my life are pretty hard right now, but I have no right to complain - it's not Auschwitz." This kind of comparison can lead us to minimize or diminish our own suffering. Being a survivor, being a "thriver" requires absolute acceptance of what was and what is. If we discount our pain, or punish ourselves for feeling lost or isolated or scared about the challenges in our lives, however insignificant these challenges may seem to someone else, then we're still choosing to be victims. We're not seeing our choices, "My own suffering is less significant," I want you to hear my story and say, "If she can do it, then so can I!" Dr. Edith Eva Egers
What I know to be true, is that those who feel they have a choice will not feel like victims.
What I believe is the core of victimization is that we have no choice.
Returning the empowerment of choice IS what changes our worlds.
When you have a choice, you are free.
Being free is the most powerful feeling in the world.
