As life continues to end, some sudden, some who have fought the battle to live, some old and then too young, it has brought me to ponder this game called life.
We all know that we are living a game, where we are unclear how it will end or when; but we know one day it will be over.
I am not sure what is more shocking, that it is over OR that we failed to live.
That we somehow didn't see the sand running through the hourglass.
Or, even more, that we took our hours, days and years for granted.
We lived like we had a billion tomorrows.
I am not afraid to die; but I am afraid to not appreciate each moment in time.
I want to fully use up my days.
To feel the overload of sense pleasures.
In the past, I hoarded hours of nothingness. I sought to find spaces of time that didn't require me to move, or participate. Empty moments being. Not quite lazy, but I strove for times where I wouldn't have to engage in life.
I napped.
I may have read.
I soaked up the sun, motionlessly.
Now, I feel there are a million things I would love to do.
A day off has so many potentials, I have trouble deciding what to do.
How much of the day can I fill with fun things?
As another mass shooting is reported, you could stop your life to feel sad.
To mourn strangers. I am not saying it didn't make me shake my head and wonder how a human being can be led to believe that shooting a whole bunch of people is his best use of his time.
However, I listened to Martha Beck while I was playing with fabric, and she said, that if it isn't your time to suffer and be in painful sorrow, perhaps then it is up to the rest of us to bring beauty and joy to the world.
She then had us do an exercise...
Name three things you love to see.
My family
Nature
Art
Three things you love to smell.
Sheets dried on the clothes line
The woods after the rain
Air on the water while kayaking.
Three things you love to taste.
Chocolate
Lemon Ginger Tea
Garden ripened tomatoes
Three things you love to touch
A baby's warm sleep cheeks
My husband's hand
Fabric
In moments when life seems overwrought with sorrow, if we can redirect our thinking to what we love, we are then not adding to the sorrow.
I have donated much time to doing the opposite of what I love, what excites me, fills me with wonder and joy.
I am not sure why it took me so long to enjoy life.
It was as if, too much pleasure would be a sin.
Now, I feel the opposite.
It is wasteful to let time slip away unappreciated.
I could live to 90, but I also could be gone tomorrow.
I want to feel like I have used my senses - this body - to live life.
Each of us have sorrows behind us and ahead of us. If today isn't a sad day, I hope you were able to soak up life by using your body!
Live like you are dying.
For we all are just a breath away.
