I am wondering what ways we can come up with that will actually make a quantum change in the way we address sexual assault to children. How can we begin to look at this problem, without asking children to become the solution.
I get so triggered each time I hear of a new way to teach children about sexual assault and how they can either protect themselves or speak up to report the crime, as well as feel their agency over their bodies.
We never talk about who took agency with their bodies. Or, those who failed to have boundaries etc.
It appears to me, that we are shining a light upon the child and what they can do, but turning a blind eye upon the adults. It is like we truly do not what to know know know, who is sexually abusing children.
Like we know it is there, but we don’t want to stare.
Instead, we hope that we can teach the children to protect themselves as they live in environments that are hostile at best. And, in doing so abuse will lessen over time.
What ignites me is that this tactic of addressing the child, has gotten us nowhere.
There has to be a change in whom we address.
In my own life experience, sexual abuse was presented, a few months of drama ensued and eventually life returned to normal. Well, maybe there were a few moments of vigilance. But, all in all, nothing has changed.
Lives were not flipped upside down. What is more incredulous is how they stayed the same.
As I witnessed this, I know that what we are asking of children is beyond insane.
Learning agency, for me, meant that I left relationships and organizations that didn’t protect children. How will a child do this?
There are adults who have heard, “rumors” or actually know that someone is abusing and still continue to be in the same circle. Where are the role models for children?
When does a child see that wrong behavior is not tolerated, when so many preach ‘forgiveness of sins’, so the wrong isn’t wrong for too long.
I know, that may will say to me, ‘that isn’t how forgiveness works’ protecting their faith and belief. Failing to see that indeed it is how it works.
Many sit on their hands, because they will let God judge, removing any responsibility of discernment towards family and friends.
And, the idea of family is family no matter what, also blinds them from seeing the crimes among them. While the child is taught agency and that their privates are private. We are placing the child on the front line of defense against pedophiles and those who are too faithful to see where the sins land.
I believe at one time, I was hopeful as I saw big organizations being exposed to their hand in child abuse, that progress would happen. Pen State, MSU, and the Catholic church to name but a few. I had high hopes that we as a society would learn that our teaching children is not the answer. And, that we had to treat the adults without leniency.
Instead, they may have lost jobs, but many didn’t face criminal charges
The only thing, I can appreciate and accept, is that those who knowingly protect abusers, have to themselves be victims. Victims who are not willing or able to see their own wounds.
So, in the end, will it be the children who ends this?
Will it help them to hear about sexual abuse in elementary school?
Can a parent opt their child out of these classes?
I am not certain what my childhood would have been like, had I known without a doubt what my father was up to and that my mother blessed his sins away.
Would I have been able to feel my own agency in a family where a monster lived and my mother was okay with it. Where children’s agency wasn’t respected. Would it have mattered if the school said I was owed that?
Can a school system change the legacy of a family?
How will we ever be able to get to the root of sexual abuse of children, when 95% of the time it happens within the family circle, IF we don’t address the family.
The prevalence of childhood sexual abuse, leads me to believe, we have to teach about family dysfunction and what that means. How many families would want their children to know their home is not normal but dysfunctional?
Can they teach trying to maintain agency among a family that doesn’t regard person as valuable?
The quagmire that is sexual abuse within family and faith communities leaves me with little hope and no answers.
As long as we don’t value our children, give them power and agency along with adult support within their family circles, we will be doomed to the legacy that we were born into.
We don’t even teach that estrangement is possible and often necessary for your mental health and wellness.
What parent would love that lesson to be taught to their child.
Me.
Imagine if this was more common than not and expressed as an acceptable lifestyle.
I am an awkward presence anytime family comes up.
Which is often. Holidays, deaths, births and lost dogs.
Anytime, I have to say, ‘he’s my brother; but we don’t have a relationship…I feel less than a sister who does.
I don’t have answers to end abuse, but I do have my life as an example. Will it be true, you can end abuse by leaving the circle where it resides?
Can that be a course taught to children?
I guess where I settle back down into is Self. What am I doing within my circle of influence to show my intolerance for sexual abuse against children? What am I responsible for and what are my actions.
There is something in the laws of the Universe, where if enough of us change, it will make it more possible for others to do so and without as much effort. I sleep better knowing the Universe flows in the direction of expanding.
