In the audible book "Twisted - The story about Larry Nassar and the Women Who Took Him Down" a comment was made about - how the perpetrator needs everyone to do nothing. And, doing nothing is the easiest thing to do.
This may not seem earth shattering to most; but it resonated with me.
When an incident happens, two choices will appear for each of us.
What will I do with this new information?
What am I willing to do?
Something,
or Nothing.
I don't believe that most people are thinking what is good, or not good, for the perpetrator. Rather, mostly what is good or not good, for themselves.
Sadly, the choice of doing something is rarely chosen.
Nothing is the clear winner.
Nothing is easier.
Nothing is what the abuser needs you to do.
Each of us can project the future based on if we do nothing or something.
We can know our circle will respond in two different ways, depending upon how we choose.
I am unable to articulate deeply the avenue of nothing. I can however speak of doing something.
The something respond is not pretty. And, you will not be welcomed with open arms when you do something.
Doing something is the start of a fight.
A win-less fight.
Doing something to change the perception of a person is not an easy task.
Doing something to interrupt the blind faith of a religion is near impossible.
Doing something to shed light into family secrets; terrifying.
The doing something will require you to stand strong and most often alone.
Doing something will require you to set boundaries; where no boundaries have stood before.
In listening to the book "Twisted" you will be able to see why it is so hard to do something, against the sea of people who are hell bent to believe in the innocence, compared to the crime. And often there is system in place to protect the abuser or really the reputation, the organization, the family.
And, there is a goal or dream attached to believing in the innocence. A dream or goal, that is hard to let go of. A future is planned and in that future an abuser is not part of.
We, who do something, are seen as home wreckers, career and reputation wreckers. That we are responsible for the damage, not the ones doing nothing.
It is so backwards, that my own mind has a tough time with it.
The ones doing nothing are seen as kind, loving and caring.
Doing nothing; but perhaps forgiving. Even forgiving is kinder than doing something.
The doing nothing is easier in fact, if you forgive.
Perhaps their doing something is to be forgiving.
Our life history has shown that the most common response is nothing.
Our legacy of abuse lining both sides of my family shows its true. Nothing is the way we do things. Or at least, not something different.
The ones who do do something, are rare and often leave the family.
Here is a lengthy article about family scapegoats.
No Contact! The scapegoat walks away
I am not sure that is what I see myself as, but there are common threads. I can't know how I am seen by my family today. I know how I have been treated; for doing something.
Something has to change, in order for change to begin arriving.
In the news, we have seen big organizations fighting to keep their reputations when abuse is know; by keeping up their appearances. By not exposing what is in their midst, in order to look okay.
Larry Nassar, according to this book, abused about 500 girls. Many girls over many decades spoke up, and nothing was done. Nothing but perhaps covering him up.
Nothing to stop him.
Nothing to shine a bad light upon Gymnastics and Michigan State University.
Nothing to change the image of him being a doctor.
His case is not so unusual, only in that he was finally caught.
There are many abusers, who bank on the notion, that we will do nothing.
We won't wreck havoc in our family, church, organization, work and sport.
That we won't interrupt his/her cycle of abusing.
The only other way Larry Nassar would have stopped was by his own death.
What is so incredibly hard is the lives of the victims he has left in his wake. The pain and trauma in their lives. And, it wasn't even his singular pain, but the pain of others knowing and doing nothing.
Those after blows are mind shattering, heart wrenching agony. To know, that others knew and did nothing.
I am hopeful that we are leaning towards honoring those who dare do something.