There are many to thank for their kindness to me, as I worked to get myself back up after falling down, with what I call a mental breakdown out of denial. I am 15 years into this process.
My mind was broken, my self-identity blown, and she was supposed to live and recreate a self, while being an utter mess.
I think my saving grace, was that I allowed my mental-ness to show. I accepted reluctantly, my new past. I didn't coverup my wounds, but spoke of them.
I wrote and spoke about the mess I found myself in.
My messy Me.
And, surprisingly there were a few women who were okay with that. Friends who accepted me as I changed. My heart is forever thankful for each of you. You provided me a safe place to unravel and knit myself together.
And, the more I talked about it, the more new friends I made.
And, they too seemed okay with this mental messy me.
They didn't want for me, anything I didn't want for me.
They didn't try to save my faith, or family or even my perfect self.
They allowed me to be me, unashamed.
Badass women who embraced and even cheered for this mess trying to become.
While I was a broken mess, I still created art and it wasn't long and a woman appeared; My Lady.
Her wisdom unfolded ahead of my understanding. She depicted my consciousness ahead of my awareness of who I was becoming.
I loved her, before I loved me. Or, more - I loved me through her. Like circling back to myself; while being Me.
With My Lady Art, I have met and become friends with others, who cheered for my art, and me.
The ones who have stood by me and are drawn to my art, typically are rebels at heart. They are the ones who are unique and stick out in the round places. The misfits and dreamers. Thank you for showing me I am not alone. I fit in with you.
Another huge part of my journey are the Ladies of WIND - Women in New Directions.
Women who have been creative and adventurous with me. Who have been with me while I grow and play in ways I would not have done alone.
Women who have shared their journeys with me. Women I have learned from and have become friends with. Women who are strong in places I was weak.
WIND is 7 years old, so they arrived half way through and have totally helped in rounding out my rough areas. They have gotten me out camping, hiking, biking, kayaking, snowshoeing, skiing to name a few.
They have become a circle of soul sisters who do badass things.
You have allowed my character building to become more open and defined.
All the new movement out in nature has brought me such peace and wonder.
My world has grown into places I couldn't even imagine.
Thank you to each of you for being yourselves and allowing me to be me! Thanks for being my friend!
So, this is to say, I did not walk alone.
I have had circles and circles of folks who gave me room to grow.
And, in my home, I am grateful my family allowed me to change. They accept this me, broken and all, to be who I need to be. The open safe space they provided, allowed me to reciprocate it back to them.
I learned how to be myself, by my husband's refusal to be no one, but himself.
I learned unconditional love IS allowing the other to be themselves, without imposing my conditions.
I learned family speaks of the hard things and is comfortable with uncomfortable.
Family is where you can be authentic, real and a mess.
Family is comprised of unique individuals living life in ways that suit their personalities.
Family is loving who you are.
To all who have shared this space with me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I love that you were okay walking with this upside down messy broken healing creative lady.
I am not at the end, at least I don't believe I am, and there is much living to do.
It has been a wild and crazy terrifying brilliant journey, and you being part of it has made it that much less lonely. We are always less alone with a friend.
Thanks for being mine!
I M Perfect and it is impossible not to be!
