I just finished listening to Megan Phelps Roper narrate her book, "Unfollow" - A memoir of loving and leaving the Westboro Baptist Church.
Wow.
She was born into this cult.
Believed, until she began to doubt, question and see.
Once you see, you can't un-seen or not know.
What she thought was kindness, was hatred.
There are places where I can relate to her story.
Becoming aware of the cult, and how it is to be separated from family, due to confused minds.
"Losing them was the price of honesty - a shredded heart for a quiet conscience."
I understand this completely. We have to do what brings us peace inside, even if it breaks our heart.
While her cult is well known, and mostly for the pain it causes others, there are similarities in how they believe. They too are the only one way; the right way. That God is on their side. Which allows them to act in ways that are not kind to others.
The shunning of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church to families on the outside, the treatment of innocent children, comes to mind. How they keep others out of their worlds, as much as possible. Even family who leave.
Her religion is not unusual, for there are so many religions who believe they are the one.
And everyone else is going to hell - for a myriad of our sinful ways.
Those on the outside - bad
and, on the inside - good.
This isn't a wishy washy thought - it is 'god's rule'.
And, even how when her and her sister got out, how they didn't know how to navigate relationships without the black and whiteness. The in or out. Good or bad. Extreme vision of the world.
This is something I still struggle with. That life isn't this way. There are nuances and individuals.
What she and I also know, is that those we do leave behind, have the minds we used to have. We get it. Truly. Understanding, there is no space or wiggle room for individual thought, it is a collective mind.
You are up against a group belief, a group mind-set - a bunch who believe alike and are afraid to be on the outside, thinking for themselves.
While my main separation was due to sexual abuse, the church was a secondary place where I could see the dysfunctional mind-set. It was like a double blind brain wash.
Which leaves very little room for light to enter in.
I always find comfort in reading about others who were able to leave dysfunctional families and find wholeness on the outside. I feel less alone and less strange. And, I feel hope when she was able to leave such a religion of hate and find love.
While the First Apostolic Lutheran Church doesn't stand outside with signs proclaiming the sins they see in others, their mind-sets are similar. And, I myself would love to see the signs of all religions, a poster of what they do believe in.
How kind would their signs read?
What is so interesting to know, is that you can't know what your religion feels like on the outside, UNTIL you are the outside. Same with family.
And, if honesty is what sends you outside of the limits, what pray tell is on the inside?
"A shredded heart for a quiet conscience."
Perfect words for how I feel.
