Being estranged from my family, I will not experience many of life's natural moments. Moments that I believe hold sacred empowerment - the handing off of the torch of life - when a parent passes on.
A moment that holds more love, than words can eloquently express.
I am not even sure there are songs that can capture the love between a mother and child.
A woman passed this week.
Shortly before passing, she was holding her grown son's hand and saying "I love you too."
I know he feels great grief and sadness to lose his first love, and the one that has loved him his whole life. The love that began as a child and saw him through his life - the good times and bad. And, how he too has known her his whole life. A life-long friend. And, I am sure there will be a hole where his mother's life was.
This feels foreign to me.
While I want to feel sorry for his loss, what I feel more is his years and years of gains.
The love he has had feels like a mountain - to my next to nothing.
It is hard to articulate what is missing, for what I am missing, I never had.
A parent's love.
The differences in our worlds where one is color and the other black and white.
I am grateful I do know what love is.
Love of self.
Love of spouse.
Love of my children and grandchildren.
For that I am very grateful.
Even so, I feel the absence of knowing parental love.
And, I am moved to tears knowing what some children have.
The comfort of a mother, like a warm quilt that energetically holds you; always.
I feel the nakedness and cold where love is missing.
Love is something that is odd to explain, and sometimes we feel it most when it is gone.
Or, when it isn't there.
I feel the greatest reason I left my family was to find love. Real love. Love that doesn't hurt. Love that you can see, feel and hear. Love that weaves moments and memories that will last long beyond my lifetime.
I see this love between my daughter's and their girls.
I see this love between my children.
Between me and my grand children
And my husband and I.
And Me.
Love that feels ouch-less.
Love that is pure.
Authentic
Kind
I am sorry my friend did lose his mom.
Very sorry.
For that kind of love will rock your world.
It is interesting to me, that we all feel pain in our lifetimes.
Pain of not having a mother's love and the pain of losing a mother who loves you.
