There is much going on in our world today, it overwhelms the mind, saddens the heart and hurts my soul. It is hard to find a thread to untangle my thoughts. Yet, it feels familiar in its circular unending beat.
"Good People" doing evil deeds.
And, the victims are being unseen, unheard and unacknowledged by the lack of change.
The lack of change sets us up for a repeat performance.
And, this is what beats us into depression, anger, rage and protests.
There is no end in sight, NOTHING of great significance changes.
When the root cause isn't dealt with, actions will be repeated, it is just a matter of time.
The systems in place work for the outcome they want/need or were created for. Until you change what the system works for OR whom, it will not change.
When I was learning about my sexual abuse, I expected it to be a shock to others as it was to me. I expected the systems in place to be built in a way that would not allow this. However, after a few weeks, I quickly learned, that I was in a system that was created and geared toward protecting the perpetrator.
This can sound so surreal to some, but the bottom line is that our society was created for white male dominance.
It isn't until you actually need the system to see you and protect you, do you find this out.
My small interaction with church and state left me feeling unseen and unheard. I was a white girl in a strict religion who was abused. It didn't matter to the systems that be. I wasn't unique and special. I was just another one. Another one to pretty much ignore. Life goes on. Unchanged. I had to find a way to live in that space.
I did. I changed.
And, I lost the innocence of believing in the society's systems doing what is right.
However, I was a product of this same system. Where I was taught to believe I was superior due to the color of my skin, and the church I was raised in believed we were the only ones going to heaven. The chosen few.
These beliefs messed with my eyes and brain and the way I saw the world.
Perhaps when the system I was part of didn't protect me, I saw the system with new eyes and those eyes then seen the world in a new way.
I don't have answers for this horrible time we are in, but maybe we can all unlearn what we have been taught. And, we can change the system by our lack of belief in it.
Also, when no one saw me as valuable, I was able to find my own value.
I know it is unfair to ask the victims to change the world, but I am pretty sure the ones who are benefiting from the system will not be changing it.
I was born privileged in white skin.
I was taught of this privilege by how to see OTHERS.
When I think of the systems I was raised in, I was raised to see the white male as dominant and powerful.
I was taught to fear black or skins of other colors. Or at the very least see them as less.
I was taught to value me less.
I believed that a woman didn't own her body.
I believed that a good girl was nice and didn't live her truth.
I believed in a god who looked and acted like the white males in charge.
When I look at what is happening today, in who is supporting our president, I am appalled and affirmed.
Strict religious families are supporting a white male who they will not look at.
Not at his many faults.
For this is how they have been taught.
Those faults can and will be washed away with the forgiveness of sins.
I am just seeing today on a real broad scale what I experienced.
The faultless white male who is dancing with evil in a system that protects him - always.
And, the system in place is the blind followers - who have been taught since childhood to see the world through eyes of the system.
I am rambling and sounding like a crazy woman, but what I know to be true, is that the system in place is being seen finally for the insanity that it is.
When a white man can kill a black man in public and no one can stop him the system was on full in real life display! IF you can't see it as being wrong, YOU are part of the problem.
You are in the system and it is working for you.
I only know, that if and when I have the opportunity to stand between a person of color and the police I hope I can.
I understand their frustrations, rage and anger. I get it. What they want most is for the rest of us to see what they are experiencing. SEE IT and work to change the systems.
As Trevor Noah said, we all signed a contract as americans. We signed a contract as humanity, and when one part isn't holding up the contract, we need to be outraged. We are only as strong as the weakest link.
The cop who murder a black man in broad daylight as others watched unable to stop him, IS the system we all created.
Until the world stops and a new system is put into place, this will continue to happen.
We each need to look around the systems we believe in.
Who do they support and why?
What equanimity do they give to all members?
Who is more valuable and how do you know?
Who has freedoms and who does not?
There are more questions than answers.
We each have to question our own systems in order to see where we are part of the problem or where we are wrestling to change old systems.
In our circle of influence, let us be the change we want to see in the world.
We each have a role to end this violence, most often it is just a belief we hold, that we never questioned.
