I am working on the nudes and putting together a calendar for next year. In sitting with them and pondering words or ideas, I recalled a conversation I had with a friend.
She said, "You have to be okay - before things are okay."
Learning to be okay where we are right now, in the circumstances we are with - and being okay with it down to your soul, is true power.
I want my naked ladies to inspire other women to be with their naked truths. Regardless of what that is.
We were taught that the truth is ugly or shameful - and not to be exposed.
We were taught to lie in order to be liked, loved and approved - to fit in and keep the peace.
There is a legacy that women in my family have handed down generation to generation. I don't know what the correct word is that I am seeking to describe this woman.
A woman who was invisible to herself.
In front of her stood family, spouse, religion and social niceties.
She, the real her, was nowhere to be found.
A legacy of living without yourself.
A life without you.
Living your life for everyone but you.
She didn't matter.
And, when she didn't matter, she passed her value down to her children.
They didn't matter enough.
This may not seem right or that it even matters, how much or how little a woman dances with her truths.
How truthful she is, or not, will color the love she has for herself.
Can you love yourself and be living lies?
Can you lie to yourself and feel what love is?
What I learned was the truths that were the hardest to acknowledge to myself, held love.
It seems that it is the opposite.
That when you bring in sexual abuse, you will lose value.
When you bring in a pedophile for a father, you will decrease your value.
When you admit you have a mother who knew and did nothing - it is a loss.
However, oddly it can raise your worth.
I was worth enough to walk away.
Sitting with my wounded self - I felt more valuable to me.
It doesn't matter to me, how others see me.
In fact, there seems to be a consorted effort to keep us from ourselves.
And, our naked truths of our own life.
A religion whose main theme is to forgive the 'sins' or truth of what is. Creates a false place to live.
Families who are silent about the abuse - from one generation to the next.
Society that rewards pretend over real.
The list is long and uninspiring.
I would love a revolution of truth baring women.
Growing the next generation in love.
Real love.
Imperfect looking love.
Wild, tough, fierce, strong, empowered, fearless, love.
Love that is inspiring and worthy to hand down.
I know where I came from and its cost.
I also know the cost of returning there.
I turn towards the future by holding truth sacred with me.
By knowing and living with the darkest parts of me and gathering them close.
It has allowed me to have boundaries and to walk the walk I want my grandchildren's mothers to walk.
These ideas will be the seeds for my naked lady calendar.
Beauty and strength arise when we can bare our truths to our own hearts.
2021 will be a year of naked truths.
