I have been trying to write about a year in review and there seems to be two years - or two different things going on at once.
The pandemic is flowing over many months, it is the background noise of this year; but to me it isn't the only thing this year.
I don't feel that 2020 was a bad year.
There was 2020 and then the pandemic. I don't think it is fair to lump them together.
I believe we can choose on which parts of 2020 we want to remember and highlight.
Judging the year by the virus that arrived, somehow seems unfair for the year.
Or, by the political divisions that seem to be showcased too often.
And, we could focus on those who walked in the pandemic differently than us; but we can also choose to remember the ones who walked with us.
I see the year in ways that are much more normal than not.
Perhaps I have adjusted to this new pandemic lifestyle.
Maybe being less social suits my personality.
There are family things I did miss; but the family is there and will be there in my future.
The loss doesn't feel as acute as other losses I have experienced.
My pictures show a year of love.
The people I love and spend time with.
And, the many things I love to do.
I see 2020 as another year of being me.
Where moments turn into days and then months.
I felt I was still able to decide how I would be in each moment and what I would focus on.
The few weeks of fear - turned into acceptance and compliance - doing my part in the pandemic WHILE still living my life. We had a smaller playground to play in and less people in our worlds; but I feel I still lived.
Travel was greatly reduced and done with more caution than before. We tried to balance the caution of the virus with living. We made choices we were willing to live with the consequences.
Dates turned into picnics and car rides. We still ate out; but with take out.
I believe a bigger loss would be to have stopped living in the pandemic for it means you lost almost a year.
Instead I chose to live as loud as I could under new constraints.
2020 was a year to prove how much empathy we held inside, how resilient and creative we are and how adaptable. It was a year to live in a pandemic and not just fear the virus. But, to live in spite of the virus.
There were also things that were recommended; like taking Vitamin D, of exercise and fresh air, and eating healthier, reducing stress and anxiety. Ways of helping your body be strong and resilient itself - so as to have a better chance if or when the virus arrived. Those things made me feel empowered and not just waiting to be struck sick.
I see the year of 2020 as becoming a grandma to a little boy.
I see me going grey.
I see me getting healthier.
I see me having more space and less social obligations or stresses.
I see me enjoying more free time.
I see me playing with family and friends, doing what I love.
I see me one year closer to retirement.
I see me living.
Mostly I see 2020 as a year of opportunities that I said yes to.
I didn't miss out on very much.
Maybe 2020 was the year for introverts and nature lovers; a Good Year.
As the new year approaches, it is my intention to continue to live as if this is my last.
For, one of the themes I felt this year, was that if the virus was to get me, I had lots of living to do first.
Perhaps that is how we should always live. For, we don't really know what the end date is.
2020 for me was a good year.
2021 is looking good too.
I am deciding right now to look at the good things, to be resilient and creative with the bad and be grateful for all that I love.
It is hard to know when one year stops and another starts - for our life flows from one moment to the next. How we spend the moments; become our years.
I spent mine well.
They are all used up.
