One of the easiest and hardest things to do is be yourself. To be an individual and to live life from the inside out. To seemingly be immune to the good opinions of others. To find your lane and stick to it. To be relentlessly you, no matter how others trend into new and different ways. And, most importantly allow others to do the same. To live life outside of group mentality.
I was raised in a religion that loved conformity and actually shunned those who didn't believe the same and see the world through similar eyes. Taught to leave the self and its desires, and follow the group.
Group mentality and group think was where my comfort was found.
Being part of.
Being accepted by.
What I didn't realize is that I had left me, the individual, the self - behind.
Silently following the masses.
Isn't there a saying about following the masses, "be careful the M is often silent."
Anyway, being raised without a self focus and instead being taught to do things that will please the group or at very least not get you shunned, is a lonely existence for your self.
I truly had no idea who I was outside of group mentality.
For 46 years I lived contorting myself in order to blend in.
To not stand out as Me.
I would say and be things that didn't align to my feelings - in order to be compliant and accepted.
Being accepted and liked mattered most.
Rejecting my own feelings was normal - back then.
Not knowing thoughts outside of the group think.
Each decision and choice I made, was first measured against what others "might think".
Their response to my actions mattered.
Their opinions of me needed to be favorable. I cared too much.
I needed them to like me, cause looking back now, I had no idea who I was or even if I liked me.
As I looked back at the 34 years of marriage and my husband. What stuck out most, was his ability to be himself; no matter what. The consistency in which he has lived his life according to his very own moral code and standards, is quite remarkable. He has rejected all things that are not in line with how he feels and what he believes.
There is no pretending to pretend, even for a moment.
His realness of who he is, and how he presents himself in our lives, is a solid core to trust.
I trust who he is.
I trust him to be himself.
What beautiful gift he has given us, by simply being himself.
It allows the rest of us to follow our own paths.
Love to me, is allowing the other person to be fully themselves.
Love is freedom.
I was never a good pretender.
Life was much harder living to fit into a group - even when I sought comfort there.
I also mothered from two different perspectives.
One being of teaching children to conform and fit in. Raising children to be part of a religion, means you follow its rules; and not the self. You are raising them into something; not following who they are.
After leaving the religion, the world actually opened up to my children to be themselves.
To not have to fit in a set of ideals.
The difference of mothering with an end goal in mind - compared to letting the child show you, who they are is a world a part. There is no common denominator between the two.
Mothering with love was not an option.
Mothering was more about them fitting into a mold that was already formed.
It had things that were acceptable and then things that were not acceptable.
Opening the space up to be whatever, was a freedom I call Love.
I could then relax and let them be.
Be who they want to be; not what I needed them to be.
Imagine a world where we all were allowed to just be ourselves.
Where no groups were formed and rules to be followed.
Wars would end.
Humanity would thrive.
Love would naturally flow between us all.
I have lived life from both sides now and I know - love is the freedom to be you.
