I looked back in my blog and the first time these Story Line Quilts were displayed was July 2012 at the Strawberry Festival Quilt show- almost 10 years ago.
There is a difference in who I was back then, compared to who I am today.
I was more vulnerable back then.
My new life was just 7 years old.
I had been processing, healing, dealing and feeling the truth of so much dysfunction - unraveling and dissecting and discovering - I was freshly exposed.
I had been blogging for 3 years - yet that didn't feel as public as hanging my Art Therapy Quilts in public.
And, it isn't the quilts. It is the story that rides with them. Or even more, the reaction of folks seeing them.
I was afraid of the backlash.
Which I believe is all victims. We hold our silence in fear of what others will say and do.
In reading my blog from July 2012 -I wrote about my friend's responses - and how touched they were with the quilts. Women who have walked with me, cheering me on, who have listened and read my blog - were still moved emotionally by the quilts.
There is something profound in how these quilts seemed to hold emotions, expressions and energy of Me. It is like a part of me resides in each quilt.
Even in their beauty, sorrow and sadness is felt. The challenge of my journey.
So, as I look ahead to the Artist Reception - and being with others as they are with my quilts - I believe I will be in a much better place.
In the 10 years that passed - I have added so much to my life.
Imagine WIND was born that summer too.
There are so many women who I now call Friend, who came to me through WIND.
A community of beautiful, strong, courageous souls who understand that life can take a new direction, whose hearts know tragedy and pain - and yet they live life with open hearts - open to adventure and a new direction.
Within the community of WIND, I have grown both inwardly and outwardly in confidence in the adventures we have shared.
There is more distance between where I am today and the deep wound. And, I have more confidence in who I am and what I can do - and even more what I can survive. And, how these shows are not hurtful for me - but have given me so much in return.
In the past few weeks I was feeling the weight of being out front. Of not having a good role model as a mother - to follow. That in every curve of the road, I have to 'figure' it out. I am having to make the first steps - consciously. There isn't a true path forward that leads to a loving, happy family. I have to be the one I want to follow - and I am winging it. I don't know for sure what the lifetime outcome will be - until I can look in the rearview mirror or others can.
There are days I just want to glide.
To coast along without a care - behind a loving pattern.
My Storyline isn't a follow-line.
What I understand, and often feel tired and overwhelmed with, is that I am continually breaking trail. There is no one who will do this for me. The women who came before me in my family are creating the old pattern where abuse is tolerated, kept silent and often supported subconsciously.
In order to be have a new pattern, I have to make it.
My story line of quilts shows the woman growing in her self-confidence and worth.
That is the pattern I am building. I am continually growing.
A work in progress.
Still.
I am not sure when the gliding comes or if I would even really enjoy it.
What I know is that I am at peace with who I am and see the positive outcome from so many tough choices I had to make along the way.
I like the view looking back at my storyline.
Even if I can't see the finish line - I am going in the right direction.
