IMPERFECT Lady

Skip It

This is one of the first holidays I can remember - skipping - more or less.  I am cooking a dinner for my husband and myself; but there is not the houseful of family gathering this year. 

 

In the past I have heard others speak of 'skipping' a holiday - of just treating it like a regular day.  And, at the time I thought, that even if you didn't participate, you would still feel the holiday.  

 

Today however, without company coming over and us just being here, doing what we typically do - there was no holiday.

 

This can be helpful for those who are set back during the holidays - due to family complications or death and grief etc.  You truly can skip it.

 

In the years since I met my husband, we have not missed a holiday. Even when my first born was 6 days old, we traveled to attend Thanksgiving with family.  And we have never had one holiday alone - this feels different - but not in a bad way.

 

I am okay with family being here and I love that we are okay with them not being here.

 

I believe you are the creator of the holiday. You can make it big or very small - or skip it all together.  I love that you can skip it.  

 

What I thought when I was out for my walk. The holiday is all in our heads and traditions and perhaps memories. But today, was a day.  Just a day. We added the 'special' to it.

 

And often that "special meaning" adds lots of angst.  For with it comes family.  The pasts, those passed and even the quandary of those estranged. But a normal day where you do what you love, take a nap, do more of what you love, go for a walk and make dinner - it seemed like I was more present in my day.

 

If you find the holidays are for the birds, you can skip it!

 

It's called Artist

Art as therapy is something that is an interesting adventure.  The piles of things I make often represent the outcome of channeling my anxiety or perhaps waylaying it.

 

Art in itself is odd.

Being called an artist odder still.

 

I am drawn to doing things with my hands - but it mostly feels like my body and soul need to make things.  

 

Not just things; but things that carry energies of joy and feelings of love.

 

When I was unpacking for the Art Show - I said over and over "Oh I love this one." It was like I wasn't there when I made it.   

 

Expressing my feelings in art - is perhaps getting in touch with the feelings I had long been detached from.  It is like my body now craves being surprised by the things my hands create.

 

When I am working, I decide things by feelings.  The colors and the designs in the fabric that seem to dance together are what I love.  There is magic in pairing certain colors together. 

I still feel like a beginner and I have been sewing art quilts for over 20 years.

 

It mostly feels like I am selling my lessons or what I am practicing on - and that I am working towards a goal I cannot see.  Mostly I am present with my art and where it is at this time.

 

As my art continues to weave and change - so do I.

 

The energy that comes forth in my art - refuels me.

I am grateful to make art.

I am grateful it makes my body feel joy and it tickles me.

And grateful that others see what I feel and even more take my art home with them.

Being an artist is more of a feeling than a label.

 

Second to doing art, is enjoying the art of others. I love when I am surprised and made to feel something when seeing what others do with their hands.

 

Art carries a feeling - a message from a soul.

I looked up the definition of "Artist". 

"a person who creates art (such as painting, sculpture, music, or writing) using conscious skill and creative imagination."

I agree the combination of skill and imagination is what make the magic.

There is a quote about "Worry is a poor way to use your imagination."  Doing art give my mind a better way to be used.

 

Often instead of thread of worry, I have piles of un-made pieces I can't wait to do.

My aunt whose sewing machine I inherited when she passed away - used to worry that she would die before creating all the ideas she had.  I get this.  And the more you do, the more ideas grow out of nowhere.

 

Art is a therapy for me, it keeps my wandering mind entertained. 

And maybe I am creating images that bring me love, peace and joy.

 

Artist isn't about me - it is about what comes when I follow my imagination.

I am inspired by others and use their ideas and make them my own.

 

I don't take being an artist seriously; but I do making art.

My life is better when I find the time to do things that bring me joy and excites my imagination.

I feel that my soul speaks through my art.

In looking at my art, I love my soul.

I love the playful colorful joy it expresses.

Perhaps my soul has a name - it's called artist.

 

( I have been going through old pictures - deleting them to make room on my devices. It is fun to see the older ones.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is a Holiday.

Holidays look a lot like your relationship with your family. Those of us who are standing outside of our family of origin, we see the holidays as fractured.  The lineage is broken - and the extended parts no longer work.  We are starting from square one. The traditions - if you decide to have them - begin here.

 

The holidays bring to mind family, and if yours is broken - it brings that up too. 

They come to mind and your heart feels old wounds. Our child self feels out of sorts. There is an odd tug of war between the past and the present.

The holiday cheer loses its tone - for we can't just think of our own family - we think of our past family.

 

I lost the sacredness of the holidays - when the sacredness of my family disappeared.

For there is no way to separate family from the holidays.

So my holidays appear more like a day.

 

Just a day - maybe with a bigger meal and some fancy things - perhaps a decorated home - but a day.

 

What I do find sacred is my relationships with my husband and children.

I find my truth and my integrity with them IS more than any holiday. 

More than the past these holidays commemorate.

 

Where I used to focus on the holiday - my attention now is on the relationships I have with family.  

 

I am grateful not just on Thanksgiving. I am grateful so many times on so many normal days for so many ordinary things.  

 

Perhaps because my family of origin fell apart for me - I celebrate family.

I know what it is not - and more importantly - I know what is important. And attending a holiday dinner is not that important.  

 

Truth, freedom, authenticity, love, respect, friendship - to name a few - these are important.   

 

I love when my family is together and I love them when they are not.

 

Holidays mean less to me - because my holidays won't make my family better or less.  

My family and the holidays truly are separate.  Each time we are together it is a family holiday.

 

When these holidays come I focus on my present family - the best I can.  

 

I feel for so many whose families are broken. It sucks this time of year.  Some how holidays show all our cracks.

 

I think my way of dealing with them is to lessen their importance - to not give them the power or sacredness above the present.

Each day I am alive and living life with love and integrity - it is a holiday.