Holidays look a lot like your relationship with your family. Those of us who are standing outside of our family of origin, we see the holidays as fractured. The lineage is broken - and the extended parts no longer work. We are starting from square one. The traditions - if you decide to have them - begin here.
The holidays bring to mind family, and if yours is broken - it brings that up too.
They come to mind and your heart feels old wounds. Our child self feels out of sorts. There is an odd tug of war between the past and the present.
The holiday cheer loses its tone - for we can't just think of our own family - we think of our past family.
I lost the sacredness of the holidays - when the sacredness of my family disappeared.
For there is no way to separate family from the holidays.
So my holidays appear more like a day.
Just a day - maybe with a bigger meal and some fancy things - perhaps a decorated home - but a day.
What I do find sacred is my relationships with my husband and children.
I find my truth and my integrity with them IS more than any holiday.
More than the past these holidays commemorate.
Where I used to focus on the holiday - my attention now is on the relationships I have with family.
I am grateful not just on Thanksgiving. I am grateful so many times on so many normal days for so many ordinary things.
Perhaps because my family of origin fell apart for me - I celebrate family.
I know what it is not - and more importantly - I know what is important. And attending a holiday dinner is not that important.
Truth, freedom, authenticity, love, respect, friendship - to name a few - these are important.
I love when my family is together and I love them when they are not.
Holidays mean less to me - because my holidays won't make my family better or less.
My family and the holidays truly are separate. Each time we are together it is a family holiday.
When these holidays come I focus on my present family - the best I can.
I feel for so many whose families are broken. It sucks this time of year. Some how holidays show all our cracks.
I think my way of dealing with them is to lessen their importance - to not give them the power or sacredness above the present.
Each day I am alive and living life with love and integrity - it is a holiday.
