Aging is an adventure and I know I am privileged to experience it - and it looks to be an interesting ride.
In my experience, you only age outside - I still feel the same inside, the me that I know -isn't aging. However when I catch myself in the mirror - oh my she has changed.
I want to be the one who ages gracefully who appears delighted with the lines and wrinkles, who is unfazed by all the aging markers - who lives and loves and dreams in youthful ways.
What is interesting is that I lived most of my life separated from my body - in my mind.
I was schooled to believe that the body was sinful - it would lead me astray.
Yet it was through my body I found reality and truth and Me.
My body led me back to my authentic self.
My body is an instrument that is finely tuned - when I paid attention to its subtle and often not so subtle messages, it lead me to inner love and peace. The mind - well - for now my mind is at rest.
As I witness the aging body and how it starts to limit some activities or perhaps the speed of which I used to move - and again how shockingly unlike me it looks - it feels like I am entering a new phase. One where I now have to get used to this new me. The Old Me.
Old me - has been arriving for a few years now.
I want to feel comfortable with old me - and I guess with time I will be.
Age feels like you become a different self.
Not bad - but not your old younger self.
Letting go of who you used to be.
If you live long enough you will go through many life transformations.
This old version so far has been interesting.
I am grateful that for the most part I am healthy and I can do what I love - just slower.
Going slow is not a bad thing.
I feel like I can be more present - and patience is my friend.
I am hoping for a good long adventure into aging and that I can gracefully accept the changes, I can't change.
Mostly, aging is an opportunity to love longer and share life with those you love.
How the body changes is the least interesting thing about age. What is more is how we navigate the change and how we find ways to live that make living the wild journey that it is.
The phrase, "Live like you are dying" means more now. I feel the sand disappearing down the hourglass. But mostly I feel that I want to live in this moment in time and not let it slip away by being unaware.
The body as it ages, it can and most likely will change the way I live. I am hopeful that I will adapt and accept its limits. Live within the limits and stretch them as far as they will go. And to love the image in my mirror.
I know many who love changing into the image of their moms. Seeing me lean into her image startles me. I don't like seeing her in me. We are not twins; but there are enough similarities to bring her to mind.
It is harder to accept the image that looks like her.
Acting differently than her, loving differently than her, living differently than her - I am different in all the ways that count. This will help me to accept our image.
Embracing my old image and learning to be come familiar with her.
What I want most is to play as the old lady. To be her and move through this old age phase unfazed.
Oh and remember when you were little and you used to say, "I can't wait until I grow up and I will be able to do whatever I want." Well, I am thinking the years after 65 are those years. Our mothering duties are done, we are free from employment, the world, as they say, is our oyster. Time to play in my old lady years!
