"As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise."
Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life - another comment from my brother.
My recollection of doing the Work of Byron Katie, is you only do the work on things that are causing you suffering. And her work is to bring you back to reality.
I love her quote "When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.
My brother who is commenting now, is the one who introduced me to her books and work and many other authors. She however, was one that really helped me in the beginning as I was awakening to the realization of my brainwashing, and how skewed I was in seeing the world, my life, my self, and others around me. My mind was fickle at best and a liar most of the time.
I used to trust my thoughts and how I saw the world - until my world imploded - and I was shown how off the mark I was.
There are hardly words to describe the terrifying moment, when you realize you have been living a lie, you are a lie, and the world you created, was created by a you - you don't really know.
I had said, "It was like I was lost, and I had to go find me, and I didn't know who I was or that I was missing." The fear that arose felt immobilizing.
Byron Katie's simplicity - made this so much easier.
Her phrase "I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
Reality became my religion. My only task was to not argue with it.
No matter what appeared or what action someone made etc, it was my job to accept it.
There is peace in this method, for no matter what is in reality, it is.
The mind doesn't get to play and distort it.
What some may fail to appreciate, is that accepting reality is not always kind things.
I was being asked to accept a father that was a pedophile.
I was being asked to accept that family members were going to support him on various scales.
I was being asked to accept the volume of things that unfolded into reality of there being sexual abuse within our family - for generations.
Suffering wasn't in my mind.
Reality was displaying things that blew my mind.
Even Byron Katie would agree - a pedophile does what a pedophile does. He abuses children.
Having this information allowed me to make new choices.
I also had new labels.
I no longer expected father type behavior from a pedophile.
This actually brings peace to your body and mind.
I would suffer - IF I believed he should act fatherly.
I didn't.
And I was free from being his daughter.
So while my brother comments and believes that I am suffering. I am not.
I am processing the aspects of being estranged at the time my mother is actively dying.
I am processing the emotions that it brings up.
I am not suffering.
I am living with the reality of my orientation with my family of origin.
I know that Byron Katie's methods work. For each and every time - I was brought to reality, peace arrived with it.
I am open to suffering. For when I suffer and I seek to find what thoughts are upside down and backwards, I am brought back to reality.
Reality is for me, Heaven on Earth.
