IMPERFECT Lady

Fades Away

"Fear is a stranger to the ways of love. Identify with fear, and you will be a stranger to yourself. And thus you are unknown to you. What is your Self remains an alien to the part of you which thinks that it is real, but different from yourself. Who could be sane in such circumstance? Who but a madman could believe he is what he is not, and judge against himself." ACIM

I am not sure I can properly articulate how fear steps in and becomes who you are...

I am also just as sure that I became myself by doing what Fear 'suggested' I never do.

If you allow fear to stand between you and what you want to do, you become only what fear stops you from being.  

I lived most of my life under what fear imposed; never daring to disappoint fear.

While I catered to the whims, needs and desires of fear, I never entertained love.

Love was a stranger to me, while I knew fear intimately.

I knew what it wanted me to do....clearly!

When I dared disappoint fear...or when I was forced to step over fear, it was then I felt the stirrings of love.

When I was fully on display with all my wounds showing...fear was no where to be found.  It didn't protect me or hold me.  

You may feel that fear protects you from harm. 

It does not.

Fear prevents you from seeing your strength and courage.

It stands between you and you knowing you.

Between realizing and recognizing your true inner beauty.

Many of the things you 'fear' to do, reduces you to be an imitation of who you are.

Who would you be if you didn't see/feel or know fear?

What would you do if you were not afraid?

All I know, is that fear substituted itself for me.

I was too afraid to be myself.

To speak my truth.

Or, God forbid, be my truth.

When life was fully exposed and there was nothing more to FEAR, I was set free. When the worst that could happen, happened...I lost fear and saw everything beyond it.

Hard to explain, but so profound to experience.

I am now determined to be me, fear less.  That I will never allow fear to stand in my way...to be a substitute for me.

Fear will hold you back from saying or doing what you know is your truth.

Fear then takes over your life...standing in your place.  In order to really be you, you have to shove fear aside and do what you know is right for you.  Say what you need to say, even if fear shakes your legs and weakens your voice.  Rise above the fear...or at least wade through it.

The only thing that fear has no power over...is when you do what fear thinks is impossible.  Do the opposite of what fear says!

Isn't there a saying that we can only live one of two ways...in Fear or in Love.

It is to follow your inner truths and to live them...then fear fades away.

 

Feelings of Guilt

When you contemplate the Cause for guilt, it really is a weird idea...and even more so Sin.  Coming from a religion that was very sin based as well as having the antidote, I sit with the why of it all. 

What is its purpose or cause? 

Will making someone feel bad garnish good behavior?

Will constricting them with rules breed kindness and joy?

In A Course of Miracles...this phrase echoed my feelings. "Today's idea but states the simple truth that makes the thought of sin impossible.  It promises there is no cause for guilt, and being causeless it does not exist.  It follows surely from the basic thought so often mentioned in the text; ideas leave not their source.  If this is true, how can you be apart from God?"

Again, what is the cause for guilt?  What is its mission statement or what does it accomplish in the lives of the church members?

I know, that for the most part going up in a world of sin and being steeped in worthlessness, it seems that the idea of sin is to navigate around it and the application of the forgiveness (when you fall into 'sin') will restore you to wholeness, but for a brief moment in time.

What if there was no source or real cause for guilt?

What if there were no sin?

What then would happen to the buildings with steeples?

What would there be left to talk about.

No sin = no reason for the application of forgiveness that wipes the sins away.

What if instead we saw our lives or ourselves through the lens of nature...and to see our imperfections making us perfect coming from whence we came.

What if we could understand and see how the lives we lived and were raised in, made us into the beings we are....and when we know better, we do better.  What is there to be guilty then, about?

I just can't find a reason to feel guilty for being me.

For all I did was become who I was raised to be...

I am the complete and utter manifestation of living and surviving not only sexual abuse, but religious abuse.  The church had its hand in lowering and separating my essence and I.

It (church) decided for me, (and I agreed) how to live my life.  And, it was a mutual understanding, that I was worthless.  The churches idea of me, matched how I felt after abuse.

When I understood my innocence in being abused, I could then see the tragedy of what the churches mission was.  It was to fill us up with worthlessness for its power.

What again is the cause for guilt in the church? Why does it need folks to feel guilty?  What would happen if, we all came to my understanding..."the thought of sin is impossible...?"

Would religion exist without sin?

I see the world as human beings living out their childhoods, until they can unlearn and undo its damage.  I don't call that a sin.  I call it survival and doing the best you can with the tools you were given.

If we were to take 'sin' off the table, you would see people re-enacting their pain and using the definitions of love they saw modeled as children.  Sexual abuse leaves a mark...not on the body, but in the mind.  It messes with our definitions of what we call love.  

I don't see sin...I see folks looking for love.

When they can redefine what love is, they will seek a different love.

A definition of Sin...was missing the mark.  Is there a cause for guilt if you miss the mark? Or do you just have to reset your sights?

I love that there is no cause for guilt, and being causeless it does not exist.

Imagine a world without the feelings of guilt....

 

Bring Gifts to you...

Yesterday afternoon while mowing the grass, I was awestruck by the sheer wonder of our apple tree in full bloom. I marveled at its ability to just re-do this every year....faithfully.  It is simply incredible, that from grey barren branches such beauty explodes....Yearly.  Over and over again, it does what an apple tree does, without prompting or urging.  It hold nothing back and boldly expands to it highest state!

Today's lesson in A Course In Miracles, it said, "All things that live bring gifts to you and offer them in gratitude and gladness at your feet.  The scent of the flowers is their gift to you. The waves bow down before you, and the trees extend their arms to shield you from heat, and lay their leaves before you on the ground that you may walk in softness, while the wind sinks to a whisper round your holy head."

I feel this.

I am grateful for the bountiful amounts of wonder that all living things give.

Nature is quite remarkable, it just blooms, whether you notice or not.  It takes my breath away.  I am surrounded and lavished with it....all around our home...

"All things that live...bring gifts to you."