IMPERFECT Lady

Enriched My Life Beautifully.

Ten years ago when I co-founded WIND, I saw myself as a leader and envisioned the kind of woman it would serve.  Sitting here today, it is I who have benefitted the most by WIND.  Instead of being the teacher - if you will - I was the student.

 

WIND has given me so much over the years, from friendship to adventures and art in between. 

It is hard to imagine my life now without the connections I have made and the different activities I now enjoy.  Let alone to how much I have grown in confidence and become a much more well rounded person.

 

WIND itself isn't the magic. The magic comes when we gather, we share, we learn, we dare, we try, we fail, we succeed and we reach new heights etc. Each time we are adding a new facet to who we are. It has enriched me on so many levels. Like adding color to a black and white routine life.

 

It has been a women's club and ladies night out each week. We have been more active through the Covid years and I hope we can soon return to the artful part of WIND. 

 

The art encourages our imaginations and the physical moves our bodies - both challenging us to new levels.

 

There certainly have been Wednesdays where I am tired and wanted to just stay home - but have gone and returned home renewed.  The very thing I knew could happen - does.  I wanted to help women fill up - to gain new skills and learn and grow - and I have.

 

I guess what I am here to report is my vision has worked on me.  It has helped me as I grew in a new direction. It has helped define my life in ways that I wouldn't have imagined.   Just learning new things and incorporating them into my life.  

 

The fullness of my world has been improved over the last 10 years.  

Bit by bit.

Friendship by Friendship.

Activity by activity.

 

I now have so much more in my life; compared to the early days.  

Women In New Directions - I am one and it has helped me define my direction and what I want to spend my time doing - even who I am.

 

The intention of WIND was to help ladies who found themselves in a new direction. Help them traverse new territory and perhaps even redefine them.  Help them feel less alone on a new journey.  What I didn't know is that I would end up helping me the most.

 

My heart and soul will always hold dearly to all that WIND has done and will continue to do.  

Each week, I arrive. 

I have set aside Wednesdays evenings for me.  

One night a week - for the past 6 years - (the first 4 years was just two Wednesdays a month) and little by little I have changed.

Often we hold change in a negative way and that somehow staying the same is a good thing.

But, life and living stuff always change.  

 

I think becoming friendly with change is helpful in life.  

The more bending we are the less stress we have in our lives.

 

Embracing our lives as they change and as we change is not often easy - but once you let go of the old you - a new you can emerge.

 

There are so many pieces of the new me that came by showing up most Wednesdays. By trying new things and saying Yes way more often than sometimes comfortable.  The experiences were so enriching even if I failed.  

I am humbled and proud of what WIND has done over these many Wednesdays.  I am in awe of so many of the woman I have come to know and love - and in all the ways they have gracefully accepted changes in their lives.  

We are a tribe.

We are badass.

We are colorful and delightful and fun.

We are like living works of art - WIND added to tapestry we call self.

 

Thanks - a deep heartfelt thanks to so many who have attended WIND!

It is my hope that it too has changed you in a positive way.

May WIND continue on for years to come!  

In some ways, it feels like we are just getting started.

 

Thank you ladies of WIND - You have enriched my life beautifully.

 Art - at River Camp

 

WIND

I find it hard to believe that this week, WIND is 8 years old.  

Eight years of fun on Wednesday nights.  

Eight years of meeting new friends, learning new things and having fun experiences.  

Eight years of growing in places I didn't even know existed.

Eight years of expanding into doing so much of what I love to do.

Eight years to look back on all the fun and memories we shared!

When WIND began, my idea was to have a place where women could come and be themselves and learn from other women who were further ahead on life's journey. I wanted mentors and a place to do Art.

It grew into something far beyond where my eyes could see; and I with it.

So many wonderful strong women have come to WIND - and because of that - it is a remarkable group today.

Reserving one night of week for our own.

An evening to be surrounded by ladies who are living life; regardless of the sharp corners it has thrown at them.  They are strong because of the walk they have walked and are wiser because of it. 

I can't imagine my life without WIND Ladies in it.

At one time, I was sad for the lack of sisters.

Sad for friends I lost when I changed so much.

And, was envious of others who had lifetime friends.

 

WIND began to fill me up in places that seemed so lonely. It also filled me up in places I didn't even know needed filling.  I am so much better because of WIND.

These connections have made me a deeper person, more adventurous for sure, and kinda a badass.  

What I have learned through my own experiences, as well as the ladies, is that life is rough at times, and then we rise again.  Changed, stronger and more appreciative of the good times.

I am so grateful for the companionship of women.

The beauty of who they are, the energy they bring, the laughter and the tears. I am grateful for the individual uniqueness each person has brought to our group.  

We often meet on Sunday mornings as well  - These outings are physical adventures and allow us more time and sunshine in the winter to play in. 

My oldest daughter and I are the longest members; we have been there from the start.  We have seen its growth and ours. It has been a wonderful teacher for me - in showing my daughters how to be diverse.  How to incorporate art and active living.  It has also taught me to be more open of others.  

I came from a tight circle, and I needed to feel the beauty of so many other lives, to open me up to a wider understanding of humanity.

The compilation of women in WIND is like having a wise older mentor.  There is always someone who has wisdom that we need and/or a resource that can help.  

WIND is like therapy that is free, creative and outside - and oh so fun!

Mostly WIND has shown me that life isn't always easy - and we are stronger than we ever thought possible.  That there is life after tragedy, laughter after tears, love after loneliness.   And life is way more fun when you have fun friends!  Fun friends who will find something fun to do each season. Fun friends who see beauty in nature, in themselves and life.

Thank you to all the women who have come to WIND. Each has brought WIND to where it is today.  I hope that WIND has given each of you as much as it has given me.

I am grateful and humbled that WIND continues on 8 years and counting.  Stronger than ever, and so beautiful by all the women who gather.

Oh and WIND Goes.  We go camping.  It has been a wonderful addition to our usual gatherings. We get to have extended time together and play in new locations - and to meet other women, who have now become our friends.

The ever rippling of WIND leaves me breathless.

This past weekend we camped on our river bank and it was a great celebration of WIND and the friendships we have made.

I sit in the uncertainty and unknowing of WIND.  I can't know where we will go, what we will do, who we will meet; but I can know it will be an adventure.

Here is to the next 8 years!

May the laughter and memories continue forward! May we all have good health and wellness for the adventures ahead!

 

 

I Finished

The Great Bear Chase!  Wow, and OH MY God, is all I have to say.  First of all, I am not an intermediate skier, for those trails are for badass skiers!  Beginners beware!!  Or, folks like me who love to ski with tracks!

Start of the race is an icy incline without trails and it was by sheer luck I didn't fall going up.  Then, onto a slopping downhill, without tracks.  Knees already shaking and we are 5 minutes into the 10K.  And, there are skiers in front of me, skiers on side of me, skiers behind me.

Go go go!

I was registered into the CLASSIC 10K. Classic to me means tracks.  

My second attempt at a hill without tracks, I made down, but it wasn't pretty....only to be met with a steep icy incline.  I fell. 

The second steep down hill, I felt I may as well give it a go, the bottom wasn't too hairpin looking....but, I wiped out.   Glasses flew, skies all crossed and poles every which way. It wasn't as gentle as my purposeful fall on Hairpin at the Tech trails.

Another Fear Met and conquered.  I can fall badass!

After that, each time I came to a trackless hill, I took my skis off.  Except one time, it didn't look too bad and I tried again, only to fall part way down. 

I really didn't want to injure myself, so tried to be a gentle badass!

I learned it is easier to take them off at the top and walk down, then to try and remove them while legs and skis are crossed and poles going every which way - on my back.

By the time we were in the last 4 K of the race, the 25 K skiers were racing by!  And, they were racing, not just trying to finish. So, I walked down more hills to stay out of their way and up a few too, just to keep them racing by me.

They were serious, and I would have been messing with their times!

I think, the hardest part of the race is not knowing the trail and what is up ahead AND not being able to ski without tracks down hills.  I guess in my mind classic means tracks and I am comfortable in them.

We did have some nice tracked downhills as well, and on those I feel quite comfortable.

But all in all, Swede Town trails are hilly!

Oh, and one time me and real ski racer were going down the hill neck and neck, poles out into a tuck, eyes watering, hair flying - Felt pretty badass then!

And, you have to remember we were skiing in about 5  degrees with some strong winds.  It was very cold!  Takes a badass to think she can do 10 K in that weather.  And, we did it.

I had a buddy, who waited while I climbed down and Up. She did not take her skis off once. She is a badass intermediate skier! Her time would have been much better, had she not taken the time to ski with me!

I am sure I hold a few records - for most steps taken, most times I took off my skies, and I am even thinking the most BMI - Boy are there some sleek muscled skiers!  Not an ounce of fat on them!! Oh, and did I mention 704 skiers registered; the most ever!

After the icy no track beginning, I then fretted about coming back down that hill to finish, on my butt or with a big wipe out.  Instead, it was a nice gentle hill into the finish gate!

Fun to hear the people cheering, bells ringing and knowing you only have a few more glides to go!  I made it!  It wasn't pretty, it wasn't perfect but it was a finish!

We had three of the full time employees of Chassell Post Office in the race.  Kenny came in third in his division!  Kenny was our inspiration for signing up!  

So, here are a few funny things.  First of all you wear a Race Bib. Pam and I noticed we looked like were are wearing training bras, at the End of the Race!  It is so funny.  And, the people at the Finish, couldn't read my numbers.  Seems my training bra had ridden up on my falls along the way!  We got the giggles!

And, so we then changed into warmer dryer clothes and had a delicious pasty dinner.  I had hot tea, water and was feeling pretty badass for completing and UNDER 2 hours!

After eating, we are on the bleachers, chilling and waiting for the winners to be announced and behind us sits some serious skier dudes and they are discussing the race and talk about a woman out there who could have been making quilts she was going so slow. Well, since I was the slowest in the shortest race, IT had to be me.  HOW funny...and almost true! (and thankfully, I had taken off my bright pink hat and hyper green jacket and the riding up bra, for I don't think he knew it was me sitting in front of HIM!) 

Oh my gosh, this is how it feels to enter into a higher level of play than where you are!

All in all, I am happy that I did the chase.

I am happy that even with knees shaking at times, heart racing at times, heart pounding , walking, and falling at times, I was successful in finishing!

I didn't quit.

I flew head first into my greatest fears while skiing!

I did the Chase! 

I am a bit sore from my wipe out, but no broken bones - and, it was the scariest thing I have done in awhile!

But, I finished!

 

WIND Goes!

We had our first annual "WIND GOES" event.  It is when WIND hits the road for a new adventure!  

The G is for growth

O is for openness

E is for Energy

S is for Strength!

Our concentration was on hiking and art.

Friday evening our chef made us a delicious pot of soup!  We had a wonderful evening of openness and sharing - thank you all for being you!

Saturday morning was very cool and windy - but we ventured out and did a 5 1/2 mile hike on a trail that was very uphill and rocky, where we were on the ledge and then back into the forest and then up another hill.  In all, according to fit bit, we did 118 flights of stairs! It was very empowering to climb and breathe and climb to reach the end of the trail.

I can see hiking different trails bring new skill sets...as well as hiking in different weather. The windchill was very cold this day high on the ridge!  Each time we stopped, we would feel a chill setting in with our heated bodies. So you can't dilly dally along the way!

My hiking buddies for the first day!!! Badass girls!

We relaxed with Art after the hike.  We did a progressive painting, where each of us added something to the picture, rotating it until we filled the white space. This was so fun, we will be doing this again at our first November WIND meeting!

T

I totally love how this one turned out!

And, then we added words.

This was a gift from all of us to the women who opened her beach front home...

On day two we headed out for another hike, bumping into a young female moose who was strolling along the highway.  I hope she finds her way to a moose community soon!

Our second hike was so different from our first day. Still very chilly and windy, but this one was deep in the forest with less uphills.  Near the lake was a forest of tall trees and pine needle path, a rushing river along side the trail. This was one of my favorite stretches!

This tree was dressed in what appeared to be frilly orange scarves....or lace.

The fungus was wild on the trail...

Nature's Art

A wonderful hike of 7.2 miles and 38 flights of stairs!  I truly enjoyed this slower pace flatter hike!  Even if it was longer it felt much shorter!

Trees and rock getting along so well!   

My hiking partners on the second day!!!  

Hiking makes us smile, fills us with great energy of calming nature essence!

 

 

 

On My Way...

I am reading books about hiking and the latest was "Walking Home" by Sonia Choquette.

There were a few pages I earmarked....

"Is there something I am hiding from? Is that why I can't release myself from what I want to be released from?  I know I've hidden my real needs for a long time. Not just from others, but from myself as well. Maybe I want and need a lot of support, and I been in complete denial of this truth all my life. Maybe I want to relax and stop proving to others that I am so spiritual by taking so much responsibility for everything, asking for so little, and then being angry because what I was asking for wasn't really true.  Maybe I am tired of asking so much of myself, and maybe I am angry that others don't feel the need to do this like I do. Maybe I don't know how I feel and I am not as clear about how others feel. Maybe I am completely confused. Maybe if I accept all of this I can release the past more easily."

What I loved about her inner dialogue is that it was searching for answers....it didn't know and yet it knew.

How often do we give ourselves permission to ask and answer the hard questions and to walk the new truth?  How well do we truly know ourselves?  

What I had discovered at 46 was I didn't know me at all.  Perhaps when your whole world falls apart it is the grandest opportunity to discover you.

Here is another earmarked page.

"The rhythm of my footsteps took me into a deep state of meditation and for hours my mind became silent as I slipped into a resting place with God."

Whether you call it God or Universe or Reality....it is a place where there is no contradiction.  No stress or pull or worry.  It is harmony with what is....in the moment where the mind rides along a silent content passenger.

I found this space and live there much of the time.

I also think, that the mind and its thought are often trying to get you to see reality by the incorrect picture it paints. Daring you to see beyond the images it tries to lay upon reality.

Once I fell onto the landscape of reality in its tragically brilliant display....I stayed. 

The mind would try and remove me; to lure me away to a 'kinder' place. I refused to follow.

I learned from Byron Katie...to be a lover of reality.

And, in doing so...found a peaceful mind.

The space where reality breathes...some would call Grace.

I didn't walk the 500 miles of the Santiago...I walked into the harsh reality of my life that I had denied for so many years.  

You can use what you see and make them teachers for you.

Here is another earmarked page.

"Stripped down to a more comfortable level, I resumed walking, and I did I began to notice huge black, slimy, gooey, slugs all over the path. I looked ahead. They were everywhere. The Camino was giving me a very important message by placing these in my path today."

"My mind started saying, Slugs and leeches. Slugs and leeches. The more I saw, the the more I began to reflect on people in my life who had been - and were still - slugs and leeches."

"These were people who didn't take responsibility for themselves. People who were deadbeats and didn't pay their bills or tell the truth. These were people who promised what they didn't deliver and didn't think they had to. People who were more interested in what they could get from others than what they could offer."

"I could see how I had entertained so many of these slugs and leeches because I didn't have strong enough personal boundaries to say, "Go away.  I am not interested."

"I carried these people way too often and way too far. Who knows why really. I just did."

"As I walked, I knew it was time to stop hosting such people in my life. People who were not really interested in showing up with integrity, for example. Or people who were more committed to drama than creative solutions. Or people who felt sorry for themselves and expected others, like me to rescue them from their own emotional BS. I knew that I had allowed way too many of that kind of person to take my energy and drain my spirit. It was clearly time to let go of the slugs and leeches in my life."

 

Truly, life is teaching you every moment of every day. Look around and see its lessons.

I again, didn't travel anywhere and life presented me with exactly the right picture to correct my vision of reality.

Sonia also discovered this....

"I was also keenly aware of the difference between my ego and my spirit, and how painful and heavy my ego was to carry. It was dead weight and brought nothing good with it. Nothing.  It only perpetuated stories that isolated me from life and love and everything I wanted or needed. It set up battles and power struggles with others that no one would or could ever win."

"It wasn't that I was done with my ego. I knew that wasn't possible. My ego was part of who I was. It was the lower part. The confused part. The never satisfied, never secure, never trusting part of me. It was also the vain part. The scared, manipulating, thin-skinned, hypersensitive, easily offended, easily threatened, and entitled part."

"It was the part of me that said, "I am right and they are wrong." It was the part looking for love and not finding it. When it took hold of me, I was no longer connected to my spirit, my true and beautiful self. I became lost."

"I had no illusions that I was done with my ego. I knew it would, again and again, trying run my life, as I was only human. I knew it would flare up when I was tired or feeling insecure, or felt afraid to be seen. Only now, I knew how to tame it. There was only one way. I had to love myself fully and unconditionally. I had to have compassion for myself and be sensitive and responsive to my authentic needs. I had to pray for guidance and give myself time and space to nurture my spirit and enjoy my life. I had to stay present in the moment and not leap into the future or fall back into the past. That was a tall order, but I knew it would bring me peace."

"I also needed to stop seeing my ego as "the enemy" and start seeing it as the "me" who needed more love. I didn't have to fight my ego when it flared up in pain. I needed to soothe and calm my ego, handing it over to the care of my spirit and to God to quiet and reassure."

"It was simple. When I loved me, I was filled with grace. When I didn't, the battles and pain began."  Sonia

While I know the simplicity of loving yourself with full acceptance of your reality sounds simple....it is a very long road to hug your own heart.

But, this was my way forward.

I only made choices that were loving for me.

I took responsibility of my own heart.

If it didn't feel loving and kind to me...I turned away.

No matter who I had to leave.

Living a life that honors your heart and spirit is The Way...as the Camino Santiago is often called.

What I found is that when I looked at myself, to see where I had gone wrong - where I had not be completely truthful, I was searching for the path to being me.

The Camino is marked with clam shells and arrows.

Our life paths are not so clearly marked....but, they are deeply felt.

When I am at peace, I am on My Way...

 

An Acquired Taste!

In the past week, I have had to pass on exercise as I listened to my body and its illness. This pause has given me great insight.

In years past, IF I exercised it was for the body.  The shape and size...I used the activity to adjust the body.  It never lasted very long...and I lost interest of chasing a certain body shape.

Now, I see the body as my way to adventure.  

The body is the connector between my soul and nature.

Its wellness will allow me to experience the planet.

I love that my body will build up endurance that will allow me to endure long hikes.  It will eagerly follow my intentions...take me where I dare dream.

The difference between doing things for the body....had me ignoring nature and its brilliance....both in the body and out.  My sights were too shallow and failed to see beyond a belly size.

It has taken this down time for me to see how important it is to have a body in good health over good 'shape'....whatever that means.

And a willing adventurous spirit leading the way.

It isn't about the end game; the perfect size...or even the final hike.  

Its the fullness of life.

Just as there are certain fabrics/colors that "pop" a quilt....that is what activity is to life.

It felt like I had become blind or that the fun part of life had gone silent.

Often times, my snowshoe was a huffing puffing clomp in the snow....but, the sights, sounds and feelings along the way were inspiring...to see nature's Art. 

And, the time spent with friends challenged my body and created shared experiences that grow friendships.

I love how I trained for a hike and discovered a thirst for adventure.

Perhaps it is an acquired taste!

 

 

100 miles!

 

It truly isn't the goal; but the Path.

The path that leads to the 100 mile hike has so many mini adventures and is littered with personal milestones and achievements.  And, I have only been on the path for one month.

Certainly the goal is the ultimate motivation; but it is the small achievements that inspire.

There are 11 of us training for the hike. 

I love to witness each success.  

There are some of us who left physical activity behind in our youths...Me for sure!  

Perhaps I dabbled in a few walks, did some kayaking....but for the most part I would say my physical activity has been dormant now for roughly 35 years...

Bikram Yoga was very helpful in keeping my body stretched and worked on kinks in my neck, shoulders and back.  It was something that kept me pretty much pain free.

When my hip troubles began, I was introduced to new physical exercises that targeted the muscles that would help my hip pain.

Then, came the idea of the 100 mile Hike.

Training for this hike, we are working to strengthen our core and overall strength....legs for certain will need lots of conditioning.

In doing this, I am placing myself on the starting line in a comfortable body; but one that is too weak to walk this far....

So, with weak muscles, I head into new activity.

At times it is daunting and I struggle with the concept of the exercise. 

It reminds me of my first attempts at Bikram Yoga.  Some postures, I could envision my legs lifting....and struggled to will my muscles.

It is the same now with Plank or Push-ups.

And, I was going to say fear.

I don't know if fear is the accurate word for trying and failing.

Mostly, I have found I tried and didn't fail...but succeeded at my level.

Building up endurance is huge and scary.  I am starting at a weakened state and in order to keep building, I have to put myself in situations that are taxing.

Being overweight and weak, is a huge disadvantage and yet very inspiring.

The little differences are starting to show.

Less stopping.

Less pain.

More of my body responding.

It has taken us time to find the rhythm of muscle toning.

I am getting acclimated to the outside activities.

To striking out alone across a wind blown field.

and, tagging along with those of better fitness, exploring new places.

In order to do the hike, I need to do what hikers do.

I didn't know how the path would be.  I thought it would be an endless struggle.

But there have been many moments of success, joy and personal pride.

I guess you could focus on the hard parts....or focus on each new success.

Like 15 sit-ups without stopping.

Good for Me!

Or, climbing up a hill on snowshoes...not once...but twice.

Of having sore belly muscles because you sweated through a circuit of planks, swats, pushups and lunges.  Yay ME!

The path to the goal will have so much fun, camaraderie and new firsts.

The goal will be the icing on the cake.

Each step on the path is building me up.

I am so grateful for the physical path I am now on.  It is a huge part that has been asleep far too long.  I can't imagine how it will feel to have a body capable of walking 100 miles!

 

 

 

Highest End of Joy

"I just decided to stop hurting myself with food" is what a young friend said to me.   These words sat with me all day yesterday.  

As I was clomping along on my snowshoes, after about 35 minutes, I thought about self-harm and how it keeps us at the level of our abusers.  They have stopped hurting us, and yet we pick up where they left off. 

I wondered why?

I had thought that food was a deadener.  It kept our feelings down.  I didn't realize that it kept me hurting me.

Keeping me hurting me, then....had me understanding, that it kept me as low as the perpetrator.  It kept me from feeling/thinking/knowing how wrong it was.

I may not be able to articulate this.

But, when you rise higher, when you accomplish goals, and get mentally and physically fit, you are then able to see more clearly, the reality of abuse.

It is hard to all be sitting in the same low spot and see that you are low.

But, once you start to climb out; you gain many new perspectives.

I didn't think, that eating poorly was self harm.

I am guess I didn't feel yucky. My body oddly tolerates many bad things.

However, as this wise young friend suggested; you may not know how bad you feel, until you feel good.

This again stuck with me.

How can I know what it feels like to feel good - If I haven't been in a place with healthy eating and exercise?

I feel good.

But, good compared to what?

Not being sick...or hurting?

On the goodness scale I have yet to reach towards the side of clean eating and physical achievements.

This is exciting to me.

And, daunting.

Food will now have the ability towards 'feeling great' or just feeling okay.

I will have to monitor how I feel after.

I love that there is happiness food...and I will seek to eat more of it.

This upcoming Hike, has opened so many new doorways that previously I walked by.

I have spent the past 57 years unaware of the highest end of the physical scale - and my plan is to investigate its furthest reaches.  

It is scary and exciting.

Already, I have a better plank...and my chest is expanding for more wind!  

I am a beginner...

Well, actually, I did a 150 mile bike ride once...while carrying a carton of cigarettes in my backpack, smoking as I biked.  I also hiked Isle Royal the same way.

Now, I will venture into the land of wellness and nature's adventures.

I have walked bravely into my inner journey of wellness....now, it is time to conquer my outer journey of being physically fit. To bring my body to where my spirit is....

On the highest end of joy!

 

Tag along.

I had my body measured last night...so, I can watch the changes in my body as I train for future backpacking.   But, there are other measurements that are already showing signs of improvement.

My wind.  

When I first began snowshoeing I had to stop to catch my breath.  Now, the breather stops are fewer and far between each other.  And, I learned while snowshoeing with others, that I don't need to stop; but just go slower until I catch my breath.

And, how I do the strength exercises.  The muscles that had been neglected for the past 50 years; are now growing stronger. I can do more repetitions before resting.

My hip with 'age related pain' is much less painful as I move about my day.

The activity in my week looks much more adventurous already.   Snowshoeing on the beach, in the fields and campfires decorated this week....along with Bikram Yoga and Strength movements like sit-ups and push-ups.

The tape measure will tell one story, but the more exciting story is the overview of how my life appears day to day...what I do, where I go and who I am playing with.

 My life measurements have increased dramatically.

Life is measured in moments...and by the things you say yes to.

and, what you dare to do...for the first time.

It is only mid January and already my life's measurements for this year are greatly improved from last year!

There are many ways to measure...and, I will measure mine by adventure, new experiences and with beautiful women who are willing to tag along!

 

Self-Confidence

Last night I dreamed another re-occurring dream; I am driving a vehicle up a very steep hill, and before I reach the top, I panic and usually wake up.  The road is so steep, that the vehicle has the potential to fall backwards, end over end, back down the hill.  I usually awaken freaked and happy I was spared.

Last night however I reached the top in my dream.  

And, I saw beautiful sights.  

I had, however, followed a woman who offered to lead the way. I just trusted her and followed.  

While in the shower, it came to me, that I am following women into the hike.  

I am trusting and doing as they say and it will lead to beautiful sights, new experiences and a sense of accomplishment.

I wonder about that dream that has a steep hill and one I panic on.

What caused me to panic over big dreams?

What did I fear so bad about reaching the top?

What had me 'feeling safe' when I didn't complete the steep climb?

Or more comfortable and content with failing?

The dream continuing on over the top and into a wildly beautiful landscape was so much better than waking in fright of falling.

And as I think of the following a woman of confidence...it could easily be me and my commitment to myself.

While it is extremely helpful to have leaders knowing what we need to do to be a successful 100 mile hiker...it is also key to have self confidence in your ability to try and then do each new strength builder.

To begin in a weakened state and continue to reach towards the next goal.  

There are moments this hike has me tearful and we are 274 days before we reach the trail.

The composition of the women I am hiking with.

The strength and dedication it will take to arrive there.

The wonder of how it will feel as we walk out at the end.

How we will change and what it will mean to us all.

The hill is steep...and each of us has to walk on our own.

Following the leader...

Self-Confidence.